The Incredible Shrinking Gunman By GirlX BNL14@AOL.COM Disclaimer: These aren't mine. They belong to Chris Charter, 1013 and Fox. Summary: One of the Gunmen is shrinking. Can the remaining three, plus our favorite FBI agents save him before its too late? PG-13 For language you'd hear on TV. If your looking for slash, sorry, none here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PART ONE 9:05 am Lone Gunmen Lair "Aw man, come on!" Langly shouted from his bedroom. "What's he so upset about?" Jimmy asked. "He's just mad because his damn laptop battery is drained." Frohike said. "Drained?" Jimmy asked. "Yes. He keeps forgetting to plug the thing in at night." Byers answered mildly. This was no new occurrence in the Gunmen Lair. In fact, something like this had happened just last week to Langly. Of course, Frohike had purposely drained the machine just to annoy him... "Fricken-sticken, razzle-frazzle..." Langly came out of his room muttering. "Mornin' Langly. So uh..." Byers tried to think of a non-confrontational subject. "Shut-up," Langly snarled and sat down. "What the hell are you wearing?" Frohike demanded. "Jeans and a tee shirt," Langly answered. "You got a problem with that?" "No. It‘s just that the jeans are a bit short." "That's the style now, moron." Langly rolled his eyes. "But then again, how would you know about anything fashionable?" "Yeah, it's real fashionable to show six inches of bare leg." Frohike said. Jimmy broke up laughing. "Maybe if you actually bought something that fit." Frohike suggested sarcastically. "These fit fine!" Langly argued. "Langly, those jeans are way to short for you." "Yeah well, your too short for that vest," Langly shot back. "Yeah, well, we all can't be lanky freaks," Frohike sneered. "At least I'm taller then you, Doo-Hickey!" "At least I didn't outgrow all my clothes in high school." "@$$HOLE!!!" Langly threw himself at Frohike, who easily stopped him. "I'm stronger than you, too," Frohike smirked. "I'm gonna knock you into next week !!" Langly swung wildly, but Jimmy leapt up to stop him. "Not at the table," Byers said absentmindedly. Jimmy forced Langly to sit down. Frohike and Langly stared daggers at each other. "At least, I can see over the dashboard on the bus," Langly muttered. "At least, I'm not mistaken for a hat rack," Frohike shot. "This is better than Jerry Springer," Jimmy said. "Jimmy, shut up," Frohike and Langly said together. "Will you quit? So Frohike's short and Langly's tall. There's nothing either of you can do about it," Byers said. "Oh yes there is. I can wear platforms, while Langly, can only slouch." "Only if you don't mind being a fashion reject. Judging by your normal attire though, that's not an issue," Langly snorted. "Oh shut up." "Both of you quit. We have a lead to follow up on tonight," Byers tried to calm things down. "What lead?" Jimmy asked. "Someone emailed us about a new biological weapon being developed by the government. Some type of ray. We need to get it." "Do we know what it does?" Jimmy asked. "No, but we do know it doesn't kill people," Byers answered. "Oh that's great. One of US will have to test it then," Frohike groaned. "It's not my turn," Jimmy said quickly. "Well, I'm not," Langly snorted. "NONE of us have to. We'll use a lab rat," Byers said. "Oh...we could do that too," Frohike said. Byers sighed. "When do we go for it?" Jimmy asked. "Tonight." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8: 34 P.M. Government Compound "Be quiet!!" Frohike hissed. "You be quiet!" Langly hissed back. "BOTH OF YOU BE QUIET!" Byers hissed loudly. "This has to be a silent operation." "How are we gonna get in?" Jimmy asked. "Air vents," Byers pulled a grate off the wall. "But, we can't fit in the..." Langly trailed off when he saw everyone was looking at him. "No! I won't!" "Langly, you HAVE to. You're the only one who comes close to fitting," Byers pleaded. "No! This is beneath my dignity!" "This from a man who watches Scooby-Doo," Frohike said. "I...Er...Uh...crap," Langly sighed. "I hate you guys." He disappeared into the hole in the building's wall. "How you doing in there?" Byers called on the headset. "I'm, oof, doing okay for, ouch, now," Langly said. "Whoa this doesn't look very-" Suddenly there was a loud creaking noise, and a shriek from Langly. "LANGLY!!" Byers cried into the headset. "Are you all right?" "Yeah I, ouch!...No." "What happened?" "Part of the vent fell out from under me. And uh, I think I found the ray." "Where is it?" Byers asked. "Now, it's under me. I fell on it and got hit by its beam." Frohike took two seconds to digest this, and began to crack up. "Well, bring whatever's left. We might be able to make an antidote if we have the parts," Byers said worriedly. "Okay," Langly said glumly, "but I think I crushed it." Frohike was laughing so hard, he was crying now. "Please, no more," he gasped. "You're killing me." "If only," Langly growled. "Okay, I'm, oof coming back. I just need to--Yikes!" "What happened now?" Byers sighed. "Nothing. I just saw a spider. Big ugly S.O.B." Byers could almost hear Langly shiver. "Just hurry. The guards should be investigating that noise you made any second," Byers urged. "I'm coming...hold on a sec..." A considerably pale Langly emerged from the vent, with a pile of crushed metal in hand. "We better get out of here." Byers heard approaching footsteps. "You okay?" Jimmy asked. "Oh sure. I just fell eleven feet onto solid concrete. I'm fine." "Really?" "No you dimwit!" "C'mon." Byers urged them towards the bus. "This was-" Suddenly a gunshot interrupted Frohike. "Easy. Run!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9:56 am Lone Gunmen Lair Next day (After a speedy escape, and a blood test) "Langly, do you feel okay?" Frohike asked the next morning. "Yeah. Why?" "You look strange." "Like how?" "Like...thinner. Have you lost weight?" "Not that I'm aware of." "You're sure?" "Frohike quit it," Langly said apprehensively. "Actually, you do look a little odd." Byers sat down. "Can we just drop it please?" Langly pleaded. "Whatever," Frohike sighed. "Hey guys. What's--Whoa Langly, are you okay?" Jimmy asked as he walked in. "For the millionth time, YES!!" "Jeez, calm down," Jimmy sat down. "But you look weird." "I don't want to hear about it," Langly groaned. "Maybe you're shrinking," Frohike grinned evilly. "Huh?" "You know, the rays effects? We haven't figured out what is does after all." "That's stupid," Langly rolled his eyes. "Whatever, but if you shrink down to an inch tall, don't blame me." "Ahh, you're just jealous," Langly scoffed. "I have the looks and the height." "Now all you need are the brains." "Hey, shut-up!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6:24 P.M. "Okay guy's, I want you to stop it." Langly came out of his room. "Stop what?" Byers asked. "This stupid joke. It's not funny anymore." "Langly, I have no idea what you're talking about." "Oh sure, play innocent." "Langly, I really have no idea what you're talking about." "Fine. Jimmy and Frohike messing with my stuff, trying to make me think I'm shrinking." "Um, Frohike and Jimmy haven't been here since morning." "Then they must have done it last night," Langly said. "Are you sure? You look... strange," Byers said worriedly. "Yes I'm - Ack!!" Langly took a step backwards and went sprawling onto the carpet. "Are you okay?" Byers helped him up. "Yeah," Langly said shakily. "I-I just tripped over my cuff." Langly's jeans came down over his shoes. Byers looked a bit alarmed. "Langly, are you absolutely sure-" "YES!!" Langly turned to stalk out, when Jimmy, and Frohike walked in. "Whoa Langly...Are you all right?" Jimmy asked. "You look really-" Langly cut Frohike off. "I'd be FINE if you stopped this stupid joke!" he snapped. Jimmy and Frohike exchanged confused looks. "What joke?" Frohike asked. "Stretching out my clothes, moving my mirror up, and you did SOMETHING to my bed. It's taller." “Uh, we didn’t do any of that stuff.” Jimmy sounded confused. “Maybe you are shrinking.” Frohike said, squinting. “You look a little shorter, and I‘m not kidding.” “Fine. If it’ll convince you guy’s I’m NOT shrinking, you can measure me.” Langly said, and rolled his eyes. “I cannot believe I’m falling for this.” “Okay how tall are you?” Jimmy ran to get the tape measurer. “Exactly six feet.” Jimmy pulled out six feet of tape, and a bit of it stuck out over Langly’s head. "Umm, according to this you're..." Jimmy trailed off. "What? I'm my right height, and your just trying to freak me out?" Langly rolled his eyes. "C'mon. That's so lame." "Uh, guys, you should take a look at this." Jimmy sounded upset. "Byers..." Frohike's eyes widened. "What? Oh..." Byers gasped. NOW Langly was worried. Byers would never go along with a stupid joke like this. "What?" Langly said quickly. "What is it?" "Umm..." Jimmy's throat went dry. "Its-its..." "Uh...Um..." "Well its, erm..." "What's wrong?" Langly's voice was starting to tremble. "According to this you're..." Frohike couldn't finish. "What?" Langly gulped. "You're five-foot six," Jimmy blurted. "I'M WHAT?! Langly cried out. "You can't be serious!" "We're not joking," Byers said halfheartedly. "But-but that can't be right..." Langly's voice sounded weak. "Somehow, it is," Frohike said worriedly. Langly shook his head. "There's no way..." "The ray." Frohike said abruptly. "Where's the piece of equipment you brought back?" Byers said quickly. "Umm, on the table," Langly tried to think. "We should get another blood sample too." Frohike began to look for a syringe. "Maybe we can make an antidote if we know what's wrong." "Um hello, I've shrunk! That's what's wrong!" Langly cried out. "No, how it's working," Frohike said. "We can stop it if we know how. Maybe." "What about that medical doctor you know? Agent Scully?" Jimmy suggested. "She'll never believe this!" Langly yelped. "I'll just say we have an, uh..." "Small problem?" Frohike suggested. "Okay." Byers completely missed the joke and picked up the phone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6:50 P.M. Scully's Apartment "Scully. Byers? What's wrong?" Agent Scully answered her ringing cell phone. "It's Langly. You have to see him right away." Byers sounded nervous. "Why? Is his life in danger?" "Sort of. He has a small problem." "What?" "You'd never believe me. Just come over. Please?" Byers pleaded. Scully sighed. "Should I bring Mulder?" "Sure. He might have some ideas." "Well I still want to know what-" "You'll see. Bye." Byers hung up. Scully sighed and called Mulder. "Hey Scully. What's up?" "Something with the Lone Gunmen. They said Langly's life might be in danger." "I bet he pissed off Bill Gates again." "No, they said it was a small problem." "What? What did they say??" Mulder's voice became pressing. "They said he had a small problem. Do you want to enlighten me about this?" "Scully, we have to get to the Gunmen's RIGHT NOW." "Mulder why-" "I have a hunch." Mulder hung up. Scully sighed, and wondered what the hell had happened now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End of Part one