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JUGGERNAUT

FADE IN

EXT. THE IMAGINATION- THE LIDO DECK-DAY

LEGEND READS
SUNDAY, 1:00 P.M.

CAMERA PANS

We see the lively pool deck swamped
with colorful seafarers attired in
varying degrees of beach- and sun-wear.
Sun worshippers have their bodies draped
over every chaise lounge the maintenance
crew set out for the first full day out
at sea crowd.  The splashy 12'x 6'
gradated pool is packed with kids of
all ages.

CUT TO

Krycek is wearing a skin breathable
synthmesh facial disguise.  He's
wearing Bermuda shorts and an off-white
colored polo shirt, a waiter's garb.  He
holds a serving tray, and in the waist-
band of his pants, an order pad is
wedged.  Atypically, he is doting on a
sandy-haired, 29-year old yuppie type.

    KRYCEK
What can I get for you, sir?

    YUPPIE
(surly)
Get me a triple sec.  Oh--and a. . .
(pauses, as he looks up, he shades his
unprotected eyes to get a better glimpse
of his bald server)
On second thought, bud, better make it a
tonic water with a spritz of lime instead.
Trying to cut down, wife's orders.

He rises from the lounge, his towel
wrapped around his skinny body.  Krycek
is busy amending the order.

    YUPPIE
I'll be in the Jacuzzi beneath the slide.
(flicks a finger at the smaller of the
two bubbling pools)
And bring the same for my wife who'll be
joining me in a couple of minutes.

    KRYCEK
(serviceably)
Very good, sir.

He pines for his nanite tormenting device
as he fakes a sincere smile.  His train
of thought is splintered by wild, raucous
hollering.  His eyes narrow and shoot to
the uproar's point of origin.

CUT TO

    LANGLY
(exhuberantly)
YO--HEY, LIS--HERE I COME!

CLOSE ON

Krycek's eyes dart over to the exotic
vision of loveliness he covets for
himself.  He sees her sitting on the lip
of the Jacuzzi the yuppie is settling
into.  She is wearing a conservative,
one-piece black bathing suit.  Her long
hair is swept up in loopy ringlets, like
netting.  Krycek salivates, and brightens
when he considers that her loud, blond
geek is about to infect himself.

CUT TO

    LANGLY
LOOK OUT BELOW!

    POOL STAFFER
(cautionarily)
Sir, wait please, until the splash-in
area clears.

    LANGLY
Yeah, sure.  No sweat.

He scans over the sides of the wide
flume, doing a little dance of intense
anticipation.  He takes a squint behind
him to view the long line, and sighs.

    LANGLY
Yo, hurry up down there--the rest of
us up here would like to get at least
one slide in before the sun goes down.

Lislita has her dainty, painted toes
dangling in the frothy water.  She
raises her head, and lifts her wine
cooler to Langly, with a smile.

Though he can't make her out so well
because she's holding his glasses, he
waves again at her fuzzy outline.

CUT TO

    POOL STAFFER
Okay, sir, go ahead. . .

    LANGLY
Hot-dog.  Gangway. . .

He issues more ear-rattling hollers,
and promptly gains his audience again.

    LANGLY
(threads himself through the needle and
explodes)
BONZAI!!

We see all who are lounging too close
to the pool at this end scramble for
dryness after his tidal, tail-in-first
splash-in.  Krycek throws Langly dagger
looks as he hauls himself up and out of
the splashdown area.  Krycek hurries
off to offset what being in the wrong
place at the wrong time will exact.

PULL BACK

    LANGLY
(race-walks up to the Jacuzzi)
Did you see how fast I came down?
(swings his long legs over the lip and
slides in next to Lislita)

    LISLITA
'Por supuesto que si.'

SUBTITLE
Of course I did.

    LISLITA
You're so much fun to watch.

    LANGLY
Hey, I've got a cool idea.  Let's go
down together.  Game?

    LISLITA
Can't we just sit here and relax
together?  Those enthusiastic ladies
who took all my classes wore me out.

    LANGLY
(nodding)
Serious...excuse.  You're in great shape.
C'mon.  Hey, what if we go down once,
and then come back in here to mellow
out?

    LISLITA
I'm afraid of heights.

    LANGLY
It's not that high.
(he palms her chin)
You fly, right?

She nods, but her eyes still read, 'no
way am I risking it.'

    LANGLY
Aw, c'mon, hon.
(his large hand caps the closest shapely
knee to him, then jiggles it)
You won't get hurt.  Promise.  Think I'd
let anything happen to ya?  I'll hold ya
tight, and you'll be fine.

    LISLITA
(sees he won't take 'no' for an answer.
Hesitantly)
All right. . .

    LANGLY
Solid!  C'mon, let's do it.

They're in the throes of making the
bold move, when the 'Spookies' stroll
up, with it being evident that Scully
is pleased they caught up with them.

    MULDER
You kids having fun?
(before Scully can say anything)
Ask us some statistic about this vessel.
Name your question, any question.  Try
and stump us.

    LISLITA
(archly)
How is water kept outside the ship?

    SCULLY
This is to see if you were *really*
paying attention, Mulder.  Detail the
entire process.

    MULDER
(suggestively)
Do I get extra credit?

    SCULLY
Depends how well I like your answer.

    MULDER
(puckers his lips, and rubs hands
together)
Ah, I love a challenge.  Okay. . .the
automatic bilge pump, which I thought
bears a striking resemblance to R2D2,
pumps water into a series of pressurized
elimination tanks which extract any oil
from the water before returning it to
the sea.

Langly rolls his eyes along with his
head, and demonstratively yawns.

Mulder genuflects to the ladies.

    MULDER
Then, the oily water separator takes
over, taking water from the last
bilge water tank and removes literally
almost all contaminants, and superflous
particulates--for a cleaner environment,
don'tcha know.  When the water goes over
the side, back to the drink, it's less
than fifteen parts per million of oil or
other particles.

    LISLITA
He *was* paying attention, Dana.

Langly looks to the busy 115 foot,
fourteen feet high water slide forlornly
with a sigh.

    SCULLY
Okay, not bad.  Now for bonus points.
The two foot diameter propeller shaft
transfers power from the main engine
back to where?

Mulder pulls on his chin, wanting to
appear stumped.  He snaps his fingers.

    MULDER
I've got it.  From the main engine back
to the controllable pitch propeller
system.  Those mats we saw, hanging on
the shaft, have a two-fold purpose.
They regulate the torque, and monitor
the varying rates of speed.

    LANGLY
(feigning another yawn he doesn't bother
to cover)
Now that we're totally bored, can you
call a recess?

Lislita laughs explosively, but
Scully's fixated disapproval reins her
in.

    SCULLY
(sharply)
Do you mind, Langly, if I pirate *my*
cousin away for a little while?

    MULDER
Pirate being the operative word.
(in an aside to Langly)
Puts a crimp in your monopolization,
huh?

    LANGLY
(returns the aside even softer)
Bummer. . .
(defends to Scully)
But, but we were gonna. . .

He's visibly squirming under the burden
of Scully's judgmental eyes, and his
girl's soft ones.

    LANGLY
It's cool.  Whatever.
(Lislita gives him a big, warm smile)
No prob.
(to Lislita)
We'll hook up later, babe.  Have fun.

The men watch the women prepare to
depart.

    LISLITA
(with Scully's arm hooked securely
through hers)
I've got a surprise for you, 'chulo.'

    LANGLY
Yeah?  What 'it is?'

    LISLITA
Franco, the guy who I was speaking
with on the phone before we left the
gym, called to let me know that I
don't have to sing at any of the
discos tonight.  When I'm through in
the Dynasty Lounge, around ten, I'm
all yours. . .

    LANGLY
Hot damn--all right!

Lislita blows him a kiss goodbye, and
the women head sternward.

Off screen, we hear Scully say how
much she's looking forward to going
to the Nautica Spa for a seaweed
mineral wrap.

Langly is so caught up watching them
leave, that when he turns to say
something to Mulder, he can't find him.
Somebody's beach ball makes contact
with his left hallux, and he kneels
down to retrieve the spherical rainbow.
When he straightens up, he feels the
initial soreness of what too much sun
does to him.

    RED-CHEEKED, FRECKLED-FACE LITTLE
    GIRL
(pouting)
That's *mine*.

    LANGLY
Well, I wasn't gonna keep it, frecks.

He gives her back her toy, and is
annoyed when she doesn't even say,
'thank you.'

He starts combing the immediate area
for Mulder again, and begins to
think he's been deserted until he
faces away from port when he hears
his name being called.

    MULDER
(o.s. through cupped hands)
Langly, man, I'm over here, dude.

CUT TO

Mulder is waving at him from the other
Jacuzzi; the one fully exposed to the
sun.

PULL BACK

CAMERA FOLLOWS LANGLY

    MULDER
Sit in this with me a while.

    LANGLY
Not for too long, though.  The wicked
burn's already workin' my back.

    MULDER
Mind if I take a look?

Langly about-faces.

    LANGLY
It's startin' to look red, right?
*Right*?

    MULDER
Is this the normal way you soak up a
little color?

    LANGLY
Whadd'ya mean?

He swipes a look over his shoulder.

    LANGLY
How's it look?

    MULDER
I'm colorblind, it's true, but even
I can tell you look splotchy, like
some deranged patchwork quilt, m'man.

    LANGLY
For a second there, you had me worried.
It's how I tan, if, technically, you
really wanna call it that.  And I
thought block with SPF eighty'd do the
trick.

    MULDER
Maybe you'd better reapply.

    LANGLY
Hold tight, I'll be right back.

CAMERA FOLLOWS

He scoots off to the chaise lounge,
and quickly darts back with his
weathered backpack.

    LANGLY
Make with bein' useful, dude.  Grease
me up.

He tosses Mulder the flipped-up bottle
of Sea & Ski.  When he starts in,
Langly winces violently.

    LANGLY
DAMMIT--OUCH!

    MULDER
I dunno, Scarecrow, you might have
first, bordering on a second degree
burn.

    LANGLY
Then I'd better skip sittin' in this
with you, and seek shade now.

Mulder hands the sunblock back to
his sun-whipped friend, and resettles
himself in the Jacuzzi.

    MULDER
Yeah, you do that.
(a blatant two-edged entendre)
Wouldn't want a bad sunburn cramping
your moves with sweet Lislita. . .

    LANGLY
(decides to ignore that crack)
I'm gonna cop another quick dip in the
pool before headin' inside.
(smacking of delayed reaction)
Shoo, not even a bad sunburn could do
that.

He opens his backpack to remove a very
faded T-shirt which reads, 'It's Good
To Be The King.'  An indistinct beehive
configuration of golden crowns adorns
the front and back.  He dumps the Sea &
Ski into the bag.

    LANGLY
We would've been doin' the wild thing
even as we speak if you and Little Red
Wagon hadn't shown up.

Mulder submerges himself beneath the
water's foamy surface.  Langly glares
at the body under the suds.  Mulder
'up periscopes' himself in that
instant.

    MULDER
Don't get all bummed behind her
attitude, dude.  You know Scully.
Just because she doesn't think you're
good enough for her cousin, doesn't
mean it's true.  How d'ya think I've
been able to navigate her attitude
all these years?

Mulder smashes his fist into the
lively water.

    LANGLY
She tell you this, or is that from a
profiling perspective?

    MULDER
A little of both.

    LANGLY
Wow, thanks for the insight, man.
Like I had absolutely no clue
whatsoever.  She also tell you why
she doesn't she think I'm good
enough for her kin?

    MULDER
Can I be frank?

    LANGLY
Just be yourself, Mulder.  Spill.
I'm hangin' out on a limb here.

    MULDER
Don't take this the wrong way, Lango,
but she thinks 'you weird.'

Langly's sun-bleached eyebrows fly up.

    MULDER
At least way weird for any cousin of
hers to be getting seriously involved
with.

    LANGLY
Weird?  Me?

Mulder makes like 'Jaws,' using both
his hands as fins, then hinging his
palms at their heels, to open and
close.

    MULDER
Like I said, don't take it personally.

    LANGLY
How long has she felt like that?

    MULDER
Uh, well...practically from the
beginning, when all of you met.
(hastily)
She thinks you three are great at what
you do, for us, but--

    LANGLY
(bitingly)
Bottom line. . .she thinks I suck 'cos
she thinks I'm some kind of freakin'
weirdo.

    MULDER
(juts out lower lip)
And, her cousin's the heirness of one
of Mexico's largest by-productional
synthetics operations 'Topico Central,'
or something that sounds close to it.

    LANGLY
Yeah.  I know.  It's Topicol-Central
Comercio, S.A. I checked her people out.
She comes from rollin' in heavy 'pesos.'
She doesn't haveta be here doin' what
she does, in any way, shape, or form.
Her pops could buy her this frickin'
cruise company and a host of small
countries, several times over.

    MULDER
Ipso facto, Scully think's you're after
Lislita for her considerable wealth.

Langly looks pole-axed, then gravely
hurt.

    LANGLY
How in the hell could she think that?
That's *not* what I'm about.  Never
have been, never will be.

    MULDER
I kind of get the feeling Scully never
thought you two would hit it off the
way you have.  Here's the inside
scoop. . .this isn't just a routine
vacation for her.  She's here to make
sure you two *don't* solidly connect.

    LANGLY
Why're you tellin' me all this?

    MULDER
(incredulous)
Wh'ya think?  'Cause you're my friend,
and, personally speaking, you and her
cousin make a mighty fine couple, in
my humble profiling opinion.

    LANGLY
(muttering to himself)
Damn, I thought Scully was *my* friend
too.  Go figure folks.

    MULDER
In a professional context, you are.
She doesn't have a problem when we need
something 'cracked,' or whatnot.  What
I think she's having a problem with is,
seeing you as someone other than 'one
of the Three Stooges,' out from under
the onus of being one-dimensional Ringo
Langly. . .geeky computer nerd, period;
sans social skills.

    LANGLY
(lowers his voice)
And some fuckin' golddigger.

    MULDER
Uh. . .she's out to clamp down on both
descriptions.

Langly chucks the backpack at the nearest
chaise lounge, still muttering.

    LANGLY
(loudly)
I don't give a flyin' fart what Scully
thinks!

    MULDER
You tell her, Lone Wolf.

    LANGLY
I will, dammit--I will.  Know what?  I'm
gonna tell her about that night back in
D.C. when we went to that Italian
restaurant to celebrate knowin' you for
all these years.  'Member when I went to
the store to get some antacid, and Lisa
came with?

    MULDER
Uh huh, I do.

    LANGLY
Well, what we *didn't* mention was that
this punk-ass in the store threatened
Lisa with a knife.
(voice cracks, shaken by emotion)
He wanted her to go with him, for up-to-
no-good purposes.  I faked him out with
some virtual kung fu I applied in
reality, kicked the knife right outta
his fuckin' hand, and he fled.  One
damsel in distress rescued in real life,
Mulder, man, thanks to me.  --And I knew
zip about her bundles.

    MULDER
Wow, Langly, then you should speak up.
Both of you should.

    LANGLY
Lisa thinks I should say somethin' about
the incident too.  I dunno.  I don't
want it to come out like my savin' her's
the only reason she likes me.

    MULDER
I'm sure that's not the only reason why.
Hell, I'm impressed, and I've been on
your side for ages.  Fact is, I had
pointed out to Scully how plain it was
Lita was into you before we rolled up at
the bistro.  There's one thing, though.

    LANGLY
What?

    MULDER
When you and Scully went to the movies
for the 'Phantom Menace' premiere. . .

    LANGLY
Yeah, so?  What about it?  Thought *you*
got over that.  It wasn't like the plan
was to put moves on her.

    MULDER
Sure, I know that now, but why'd you
tell Scully you were an addict?

    LANGLY
Sa-say what?

He flinches, and his bottom lip quivers.

    LANGLY
'Cos it felt right to at the time?  How
the hell should I know?  She was real
easy to talk to that night before the
show got started.  I started off goofin'
about how much I liked Coke, the
beverage, after I spilled some of it on
her, and the next thing I know it just
sorta slipped out how much I liked the
sniffable 'real thing,' and the other
junk I used to do, back when I was a
real jerk about where my life was
headin'.  Hell, I dragged myself outta
that hell hole I kept throwin' myself
into, time and time again, and wised up,
finally.  Began listening. . .If it
wasn't for 'Hike, man.  I've come a long
way since, and I'm sure as hell proud of
it.

    MULDER
You should be.

    LANGLY
(mutters, sounding dejected)
She acted like she was impressed 'cos
I kicked my habit...

    MULDER
(beat)
I'm not saying she isn't, but Scully
wouldn't dismiss the fact that you
used.

    LANGLY
Narc. . .

    MULDER
And here you are, with 'yon' heart on
your sleeve, with your sights dead
set on said fair cousin.  You know
she's going to be looking out for her
relative's best interests, and I'm
gonna be 'frank' again, you're not it,
in her estimation.

    LANGLY
(looking like part of a criminal
line-up)
I can't believe how hard-nose she is,
after all these years.  C'mon, Mulder,
you know when I say shit like, 'gimme
drugs, what drugs are you on. . .I
want some, smoke 'em if ya got 'em,'
I'm just kiddin'.  Damn.

    MULDER
I really think you should have a
serious heart-to-heart with my
Federally-allocated other half.  Clear
the air.

    LANGLY
(a strange look in his eyes)
Yeah?  Like what do I say?  Sorry I
told you I was a stone junkie, Scully?
I liked hard drugs better than soft
ones, so it was easier to give 'em up
on account of I OD'ed so many times, it
was either stop, or die?

    MULDER
Do you want--hey, Langly, where're you
going?

PULL BACK

He is halfway to the swimming pool when
he decides to turn his head around.

    LANGLY
What's she think?  I'll pull a
recidivism?  Seduce Lisa into a life
of full-blown sex, drugs an' rock an'
roll?

    MULDER
Don't go.  We'll talk some more. . .

CAMERA FULL ON LANGLY

He flashes a 'peace-out.'

    LANGLY
Later, Mulder.  Gotta go clear my head
first.  Ease the burn on my back too.
I'd like it if we rap some more, later
on.

Mulder returns the gesture.

CAMERA FOLLOWS LANGLY

He slips his head through the opening
in the T-shirt, figuring to wear it
into the pool as he toys with the
idea of doing a cannonball.  He eyes
the water speculatively.

    LANGLY
(to himself)
Better not.  They'll ban my ass.

He climbs the ladder, and slowly
lowers himself into the shimmering
roil of ripples.  He burys himself
beneath the surface, holding his
breath, wondering what it would
feel like if he filled his lungs with
water instead of air.

He cannot do it, because that would
be the coward's way out.

Just as his head breaks the surface,
something light smacks his crown.  A
dorky-looking kid, of fifteen, wearing
black, thick-framed glasses looks at
him concernedly, at first, then funny.

    DORKY KID
Hey, are you okay?

    LANGLY
(sarcastically)
Top o' the world.

He twists around, and locates the
phantom culprit, which is a beach
ball, innocently floating away.  It
looks very much like the one that
accosted his toe, earlier.  He snags
the glossy orb, looking around.

    LANGLY
Who belongs to this?

The freckled-face little girl is
standing in the area of the pool where
the depth is no higher than 4 feet.
She is holding her arms out, looking
at Langly pointedly.

    RED-CHEEKED, FRECKLED-FACE LITTLE
    GIRL
(smiling at him)
You wanna 'pay' catch 'wif' me?

    LANGLY
(does a half-smirk, half-smile)
Not right now, cutie.  If I'm here
tomorrow, maybe.

He tosses the ball over the shellacked
barrier that prescribes the demarcation.

    RED-CHEEKED, FRECKLED-FACE LITTLE
    GIRL
(after making the easy catch)
'Tanks' you very much, 'Mista. . .'

Langly stands where he is for a couple
of moments, grinning as he watches her
play with an older boy he assumes is
her brother since the kid has the same
red cheeks and pudgy build.  While he
watches, he decides once and for all
that Scully's snippy attitude isn't
going to interfere with Lislita's and
his plans to have their 'fun.'

He dips down in the water again, closes
his eyes and breathes deeply.  When he
exhales, all the tension leaves him.

PULL BACK

    LIFEGUARD
(authoritatively)
Sir--wearing articles of clothing in
the pools is prohibited.  You'll have
to take your T-shirt off if you want to
stay in.

    LANGLY
(rises to leave)
No hassle, man, I'm gone.

END II

FADE OUT

THEME

BREAK

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